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(January 16, 2003)
It's January. Lots of people are busy
trying to keep those New Year's Resolutions that they made in a moment
of weakness. Not me. I've been using my time a little more wisely. For
the last several weeks, I have consulted with dozens of tea leaf
readers, paranormals, and psychics (not to mention several out-of-work
carnival fortune tellers) in order to bring you, firsthand, a glimpse
into what the next twelve months may have in store for us and for the
town we hold near and dear. So, without further delay, here's your first
look at 2003, Kingston-style.
January: All construction on the Pottle Street ballfields comes to a
screeching halt. In an unexpected turn of events, environmental
activists discover the presence of red-bellied turtles, an endangered
species, on the property. This forces the project off the Pottle Street
site. One ballfield committee member becomes so despondent that he faxes
a suicide note to a local newspaper and jumps out his office window. He
sustains only minor injuries, however, as his office is on the ground
floor level, and later recants the suicide note.
Well-known businesswoman Mary O'Donnell attempts to save the day by
offering to donate ten acres of her industrial park property to the town
as an alternative site for the ballfields.
A special town meeting is hastily convened to address this issue.
Ultimately, voters reject Mary's gift of the land when her detractors
argue that the anticipated number of ballplayers and fans on site at any
one time exceeds the population density allowed by current zoning laws.
Frustrated selectmen, in attempt to avoid a riot by ballplayers and
their parents, appoint a citizens committee to study alternative youth
sports options, including kickboxing and paintball.
February: Officials reveal that the withdrawal of Pembroke from the
Silver Lake Regional School District will be "a little more expensive
than we thought." Kingston's increased share results in a 35% average
property tax hike. In an attempt to diminish the impact, selectmen and
the regional committee propose an unusual alternative – finding another
town to take Pembroke's place in the region and thereby lowering
Kingston's costs. The unprecedented move fails, as the only
municipalities interested in joining the Silver Lake Regional School
District are Haverhill and Pittsfield, MA and Piscataway, New Jersey.
March: Plans are submitted to construct 500 units of 40B (affordable)
housing at Camp Nekon. Because this requires a zoning change, the matter
goes before the annual town meeting. The measure passes unanimously,
because no one in town remembers what exactly Camp NeKon is, where it is
located, or why we bought it in the first place.
April: The "zero quorum" concept gains favor and is presented as a
petitioned article at town meeting. This, you may recall, is the measure
that would allow all town business to be conducted no matter how few
people are present at town meeting. Although the proposal has the
support of many political activists, it does not pass. In a cruel twist
of irony, the session where its fate is to be decided lacks a quorum.
Former Governor Jane Swift divorces her husband and relocates to
Kingston. In a statement claiming Kingston to be "where the real action
is," the former chief executive purchases property on Summer Street and
then files papers to run for selectman in the April elections. However,
she misses the filing deadline and immediately announces plans to run in
2004, unless she moves elsewhere.
May: One member of the ballfield committee is indicted for arson and
offers to "sing like a canary" in exchange for leniency. Law enforcement
officials reply that they are not interested in the individual's musical
talents.
A producer from NBC announces plans to create a dramatic television
series "Kingston." "Most of the time, we create fiction from fact for TV
shows," he announces. "In Kingston, facts are stranger than fiction,
which makes our job so much easier." He predicts that the one-hour show,
which will air Thursday evenings beginning in October 2003, will have a
greater audience draw (and fewer repeats) than either "Dallas" or
"Providence."
June: The MBTA announces that they will impose a "User's Fee" on the
Town of Kingston for the privilege of having the trains roll through
town. The fee raises the average property tax bill by $75.00 annually.
When reminded by town officials that the T had promised there would
never be a User's Fee, an MBTA official responds, "We didn't put that in
writing, did we?"
An enthusiastic citizens committee begins a "Draft Tom O'Brien for
Governor in 2006" movement. Their slogan: "Support An O'Brien Who Can
Actually Win."
July: A special town meeting is called for a Proposition 2½ override to
pay the town's legal bills of $1,678,000 that have arisen from the
town's challenge of who owns the land belonging to the Davis family.
In our neighboring town of Plympton, a monumental event occurs. The town
finally gets electricity! Selectmen promise residents that both paved
roads and sidewalks will become a reality for Plympton before the end of
the decade.
August: Fred Tonsberg receives the first annual "Developer of the Year"
award from the Planning Board.
Whitey Bulger is spotted, briefly, at Kingston's revived "Old Home Days"
festivities, along with Elvis.
September: Union funds used to pay picketers who have been outside
Victory Market for the last seventeen years finally run out, and
picketers switch from their old line to a new one — the unemployment
line.
Plans are unveiled to develop a large casino in Kingston's industrial
park. Anti-gambling forces stage a sit-in and pray for the appearance of
red-bellied turtles on the site.
Joe Palombo announces his candidacy for Plymouth County Sheriff.
October: Kingston gets welcome news when it is discovered that the
former Fire Station site on Maple Street contains rich underground oil
deposits. Plans are unveiled to develop a huge refinery, viewed by many
as the ultimate revitalization of Kingston's downtown. Huge political
infighting ensues over whether the newly-chartered Kingston Board of Oil
Overseers should be an elected or appointed board.
November: Town officials discover another budget shortfall and the
town's tax rate increases another 39.5%. Taxpayers in an act of
frustration stage a revolt and dump, en masse, their tax bills into the
waters at the Town Landing. Environmental police arrest hundreds of
protestors. They further promise legal action against the town for
polluting the bay. The town is unable to defend itself because its legal
budget has long since been exhausted.
December: In an attempt to reduce property taxes, town officials
implement the "Tax Duxbury Residents" plan. Tollbooths are established
at the Duxbury-Kingston line at Route 53, Route 3A, Route 3, and Winter
Streets. Duxbury residents are forced to pay a toll of $1.50 each time
they drive into Kingston. "They may not have wanted the Victory Market
or Stop and Shop in their town, but by golly they'll pay for the
privilege of shopping there," is the rationale offered by one town
official, who adds, "Besides, we need the money." Town officials
estimate that the windfall raised from the tollbooths will reduce the
average resident's actual property tax bill by between $3 and $5 per
year. Officials consider expanding the program in 2004 to include
Pembroke motorists "for additional revenues and as a payback for Silver
Lake – a nice two-fer," says one official.
Construction crews take a wrong turn in the final phase of Route 44
construction and almost reroute the highway through Rocky Nook. The
mishap is blamed on a surveying error. Fortunately, the mistake is
discovered before the bulldozers reach any properties on the Nook.
Well, gang, that's it for another month. I'm off in search of supporters
for the "zero quorum" petition; that is, right after I contact NBC to
see if I can audition for a part on "Kingston." I wonder which character
I could best portray?
Happy New Year!
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