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Him & Her:
The Naked Truth About Cheap Clothes
by Nancy and Dan Sapir

HE SAYS: By and large, I think men are quite fortunate not to get locked in to the fashion boom that seems to affect all women. Believe me, I’m no fashion statement and I could care less. Men can throw on a pair of shorts or khaki’s, white socks and sneakers and be ready to attack the day. Women, on the other hand, take hours to decide what to wear. They even think about it the night before, how crazy is that?

I have my favorites, and they last forever. I wear my sneakers until they are ready to fall apart. When I buy a new pair, I save the old pair for occasional wear. I have my last three pair of sneakers and can’t bear to throw any out. White athletic socks are the way to go. I never buy them with any trim because it gets harder to match. Socks have a way of disappearing, so keep it low stress. With pants and shorts, I stick to tan. Easy to match and you don’t need many pairs. I have T-shirts and sweats galore, they’re cheap and don’t need ironing. About 10 pair of underwear round out the wardrobe.

For dressy occasions all I do is throw on a white dress shirt and any one of the three ties I own, change the sneakers for loafers and... voila! Women never wear what they own.

They go out and buy a new dress, shoes to match, a bag to go with the shoes, jewelry to set it off and makeup to complete the image. It’s enough to make you want to stay home. Being a social butterfly could break the bank.

I can’t even get myself to replace my wallet when it’s falling apart. It takes many years to conform to your body you hate to break in a new one. I buy a new one every 15 years and keep the old ones for the memories. I wore my fraternity sweat shirt for 35 years and was ripping mad when she informed me that she threw it out.
She’s taken to doing that with my other clothes so I have to hide them when they reach a point that I think she won’t tolerate. I’ve pulled quite a few items out from the rubbish over the years.

When we first moved to New England from New Jersey over 35 years ago, I discovered a place in the South End called Jimmy the Greeks over on old Dover Street below the elevated MTA station. They had thirds. Now I’ve bought plenty of seconds in my day and I couldn’t tell the difference between them and thirds. I stocked up on T’s, underwear and socks and paid practically nothing.

To me a shopping spree consisted of spending $12.00 At the Greeks and having a corned beef sandwich at the Premier Diner on the opposite corner. Both places are long gone, but we still have Ocean State Job Lot. If you follow the sales and are patient in picking through the stock, you can get some great deals. I believe you buy cheap and throw stuff away after it wears out. She believes in spending more, demand quality and own it for life. She says quality never goes out of style. Well, neither does cheap. Besides, when your weight goes up, just buy more clothes in the new size.

As your weight fluctuates just roll out your stock for that weight class. I’ve got a complete set of waist sizes from 42 down to 36, and shirts from XXL to XL. I still have hopes of knocking off a few pounds, and when I do, those 38’s are waiting for me. Pretty practical huh?

As far as jewelry is concerned, men have it made. A wrist watch and a wedding band, that’s it. What else is there? Most of the guys I know are not ostentatious, just down to earth. I have never believed that clothes make the man.

As far as women are concerned, what’s wrong with Marshall’s? For up scale shopping, we will soon have Target. Shoes? Ocean State. Makeup? CVS. Jewelry? QVC Home Shopping Network and undergarments? Victoria’s Secret.

I don’t know about you, but I have found some great bargains from mail order. Fingerhut and Blair are two of the best. And when you really get down to it, what’s wrong with polyester blends? When I get a little spare time I love rummaging around thrift stores.

It’s amazing what people get rid of, just ask the guys down at the transfer
station.


SHE SAYS: If there were a market for the pills on cheap polyester, he would be a wealthy man. Pressed to describe his fashion statement, I think I might call it "haute hell". The Pine Street Inn is one of my favorite charities, but I can’t bring myself to donate his clothes to those poor men, so I buy new ones.

Ironing his clothes is a challenge because the manufacturer assumed one would iron identifiable fabrics. There is no setting for recycled viscose sewn together with a filament that resembles fishing line.

Last year he brought home two golf- type shirts that he got for $5 each at Ocean State Job Lot. They were so enormous and shapeless that I thought they were sheets for a twin size bed. There was no chance they’d shrink a little because they sure weren’t cotton. And best of all, they were beige.

He wore one over a pair of shorts and he looked like a tent had been erected over two skinny legs. And that leads me to his socks. He wears those old white cotton things pulled tightly up to his aging knees with shorts and the rattiest sneakers you have ever seen.

He tops this off with one of his awful shirts and he looks like a dweeby kid just waiting for someone to punch his lights out. But he is bold in his fashion statement, and he walks around as if he’s dressed normally.

When he goes clothes shopping with me, he does a lot of gasping and wheezing. A saleswoman at one of my favorite stores actually asked me if she should call an ambulance for him. His chest constricts at the sight of a sales tag that doesn’t have at least three markdowns in red ink.

I’ll tell you how cheap he is. He goes to Wear Guard and buys shirts with other peoples’ names on them. They’re embroidery rejects. I recall one especially. It was a short sleeve muddy beige with dark brown collar and cuffs. Instead of buttons it had metal snaps. "Max" was sewn in dark brown over the breast pocket, and it looked like the kind of thing a cafeteria worker would be required to wear, but for $2 he couldn’t pass it up. Ditto for "Rocco’s Autobody" and "No whey, Jose."

Actually he has so many articles of clothing that he uses all the closets in the house now that the kids are on their own. I use one tiny closet for all of my things, coats included, just so my stuff won’t have to brush up against those rags he buys.

For occasions that are of serious importance to him, I have to dress him, and given the choices, this is not easy. I know there are people who say, "His wife lets him go out like that?" The only thing I can do to counteract this accusation is to try to starch and iron whatever he wears, no matter how horrible.

Then he has the nerve to suggest that undergarments should be purchased at Victoria’s Secret, no less. No thanks. Not when Filene’s has those swell white cotton bloomers on sale.

by Nancy and Dan Sapir