Every so often I write about something we really need for our town – and probably as frequently, about something we don’t need. The latter category typically refers to items which will raise our taxes, and the former generally references those which won’t.
Today, the cause I advocate will not cost as much as a single penny – and it may bring us newfound recognition, admiration, and/or notoriety.

My friends, our town needs a nickname. Why, you might ask? Simply because others around us have one and we don’t. Call it a case of “nickname envy.”

Although I have called Kingston home for nearly thirty years, I am somewhat older than that, and accordingly lived elsewhere before coming to this Utopia. I spent my childhood and adolescent years in nearby Marshfield – and, although it’s a wonderful community, as a boy I viewed it as one of the dullest places in the world. “There’s nothing to do,” was a standard part of my vocabulary – at least until I turned 16 and got my driver’s license. But, no one seems to say that about Marshfield anymore, and one possible explanation for that turnabout is that the town is also known as “Marshvegas.” Maybe you saw the recent Patriot Ledger story about Marshfield’s nickname, offering views from residents and writer alike about its origin.

It really doesn’t matter how the name came into being. The mere hint of a glittery, fun nightlife derived from that nickname has transformed my former hometown from a quiet suburb into the hub of excitement that it is today.

OK, perhaps I’m exaggerating slightly. But you have to admit, “Marshvegas” is memorable. And who’s to say it didn’t help put Marshfield on the map? As a former resident, I like the nickname. It’s catchy, it’s fun, and it’s upbeat. And I don’t believe the “Vegas” connection makes Marshfield the site choice for a future Wampanoag casino, but that’s a story for another time.

Back to the subject at hand - nicknames. Another northern neighbor is sometimes called “Deluxebury.” A bit unkind, perhaps, but there is a positive side: it portrays Duxbury as a well-to-do-town, and there are worse things that could be said about a community. Take Hanover, for example, occasionally called “Hangover,” even if for no discernible reason. Then, too, there are the disenfranchised Norwellians, mostly teenagers I’m told, who refer to their delightful community as “Borewell.” Unkind? Probably. Memorable, though?

Definitely.

All of which puts our beloved Kingston into sharp contrast as a town without a nickname.
Sure, there have been a few half-hearted attempts at creating one. You may remember a group of people 20 or 25 years ago who opposed an attempt to locate a trash-burning facility here in town; they created advertisements and bumpers stickers warning that our town would become “Stinkston” if the measure passed. It didn’t, and the nickname (mercifully) died with it.

Then, too, there is the occasional reference to “Kink-ston” when stories arise about the shenanigans of various incarcerated former public officials. But folks, that is just plain mean-spirited.

Kingston deserves its own catchy nickname, but it should be upbeat, memorable, G-rated, and shouldn’t make our eyes roll too much. Following the pattern of other towns, it should contain part of our town’s name (either “King” or “Ston,” so as to conform with “well” in Norwell’s nickname, and “Marsh” in Marshfield. You get the idea).

So I’m throwing this out to you, my faithful and creative readers. Put your imaginations to work. Come up with a one-word name that characterizes our beloved town in a memorable way, and if we receive some interesting suggestions, I’ll write about them in a future column and give credit where it is due.

I’m not saying it will be an easy task. We lack the collective net worth of Duxbury, the alleged glitter of Marshfield, and the apparent “nothing ever happens here” climate of Norwell. But, just as surely as I know that the Red Sox will tumble out of first place in the AL East standings before the end of the summer (maybe even before the end of July if they don’t get their act together), I know that there is a clever name out there just waiting for someone to think of it.

Imagine the sense of pride you will feel if you are THE person who puts Kingston on the map. While we can’t offer a prize (after all, it’s a free paper, so cut us some slack!), you’ll be able to bask in the glory of having done something of questionable worth for your hometown. And isn’t that more important than winning some silly prize?

That’s it for this month. You all have your work cut out for you – go find us a nickname. I’d offer to help, but I have another column due in 30 days and I don’t write as quickly as I used to.

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