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When Real Power Meets the Perception of Power
By Dan & Nancy Sapir
Posted Tuesday, November 27, 2007
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HIM: Boy did I make a mistake the other day. I was heading out to work when she informed me that my Doberman had gotten into the trash and it was now littering the floor. Being in a hurry, I did what any red blooded male would do, I told her to "deal with it" and headed out the door. Well, I should have realized that that was the kiss of death. "Deal with it?" she whispered. "OK, I'll deal with it, but you will pay for that remark when you least expect it" she muttered under her breath.
One thing I should have learned after 41 years of marriage is that women never forget anything. I started to realize that it might take years, but one day she will have her revenge. It could be torture just waiting for the other shoe to drop. There are things that happened years ago that she still pulls from her bag of tricks. Women could forget something that happened ten minutes ago, but remember what you said 25 years ago. They wait for a opportune moment and then spring it on you: You may have forgotten what you said to me the day my mother joined us for Christmas dinner back in 1973, but don't think I did. I told you then that you would pay for that remark one day. It doesn't matter that the event occurred 34 years ago…women remember these things, I know that firsthand. That is why I should have turned around and cleaned up the rubbish and be done with it.
As the days passed she kept reminding me of how one day I would pay for my crime, "but today is not the day" she said sweetly, "You'll know when that day comes" she said smiling even more. The bad part of it is that I know she's telling the truth. I experienced such an event about 10 years ago, and it wasn't pretty. Things were not looking up for me now. It's not so much that the retaliation will be that bad, it's the anticipation that becomes the enemy; it could be any time, any place. I don't think I'm alone on this nor do I think it's unique to her. I'm convinced it's a woman thing passed down from the beginning of time as a way to bring men to their knees; because, the truth be known, we're basically afraid of our wives. They make more sense then we do, they can tolerate pain better and longer then we can, they can remember things longer (even trivia) and can stop speaking for indeterminable periods of time, all of which drives us crazy.
Having said all this, I think I made a good decision the other day. She needed quite a few items from the supermarket. She said she needed them immediately because she was about to begin her holiday baking. Like everything else, she wanted the stuff immediately and was willing to drop the "curse" as she called it, if I responded in kind. I'm not too smart on some things, but on this occasion I leaped into action. I managed to get the list, secure everything on it and have it back at the house…all within an hour! I stood there looking at her, waiting for the words that would set me free. "I don't see the pure vanilla extract" she muttered, "this is imitation vanilla extract. If you want out of the curse, you're going to have to do better than this." I stood motionless, at an unusual loss for words, "only kidding she said, the curse is lifted." She asked me what I would have done had she not relieved me of my burden. That was easy, somehow I'd have to learn to "deal with it".
HER: Every now and then an irresistible opportunity presents itself like this last gaffe of his. Every day he'd talk about ‘the curse' and what it would likely involve. I said to him, "Well, what if you, like Fred Sandford, started clutching your chest yelling,"This is the big one!" Then I would say, "Deal with it." That's how I got my groceries delivered. I don't mean a word of it, but he doesn't know that. What really unnerves him is my silence and my patience.
In the early days of our marriage, I expressed myself loudly, with tears and unkind words. That never did any good, and it only upset me more. Now I pick my battles, and then fight them with the stealth and cunning of a Navy Seal.
Men are amazing creatures, and women could learn a tiny something from them. If, for example, you pay a man a compliment, no matter how untrue, he will believe you. Give a woman undeserved praise, and she'll doubt your judgment in everything else. That's because women are truth-seekers and dedicated to self-improvement. How else to explain the billions of dollars we spend on beauty supplies, clothes, diets, and night school.
If you tell a man he is the slightest bit wrong about something, he will dislike you and tell all his friends you're a bxxxh, or worse, for as long as he lives, or until you deliver some outstanding praise, true or not. Point out a woman's faults, and she, too, will dislike you forever, but she will also strive to improve in that area if she believes your criticism is warranted.
I realized the other day that I have a long way to go in my relationship with him. He does not make coffee, nor does he pour it. One morning last week he came downstairs and asked if there were coffee. I told him to pour himself a cup. He looked at me like he'd been wounded.
He'd never heard such words before. And I felt guilty. There are always mountains to climb in this life. I didn't learn a thing from that experience except that if he is to be spared the least bit of hurt, I will continue to get up and pour the coffee even if he is standing directly in front of the machine.
The bottom line is men need to feel powerful; women are powerful.
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When Real Power Meets the Perception of Power[Nov. 27, 2007] Boy did I make a mistake the other day. I was heading out to work when she informed me that my Doberman had gotten into the trash and it was now littering the floor. Being in a hurry, I did what any red blooded male would do, I told her to "deal with it" and headed out the door. Well, I should have realized that that was the kiss of death. "Deal with it?" she whispered. "OK, I'll deal with it, but you will pay for that remark when you least expect it" she muttered under her breath.
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Calling a Truce in the War on Peace and Quiet[Aug. 27, 2007] HIM: She’s up to something and I think it’s diabolical. I haven’t figured it out yet but I will. It’s not natural and it flies in the face of female thinking.
First off I should mention that we have two sons. For the past few years my oldest son David and I have made it a tradition to watch all Patriots games at his place in North Plymouth.
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